Jen's Reply

Dear Stephanie,

Start by checking whether your cousin has a gift registry yet. Ask another family member, such as her mother or sister, or search online at popular local registries like Macy’s, The Bon Ton or Bed Bath and Beyond. (Just input her name to see if it comes up.) If she’s registered, you can choose something from the list in your price range (most people spend around the same as they would on a shower gift.)

If there’s no registry, start shopping. It can be nice to give items with more sentimental value to commemorate the engagement party – a silver picture frame or crystal vase, for instance, in lieu of a blender or kitchen towels. (Of course if your cousin is the practical sort, use your judgment.) As with any gift you give, keep the recipient in mind and give something you think they would like – even if it’s not something you’d necessarily choose for yourself. And avoid giving esoteric gifts like artwork, as it’s subject to very distinctive tastes and usually non-returnable.

Some people like to write a check or give cash for wedding-related events, and while that’s okay, the engagement party can also be a more personal gift-giving opportunity. You can often find the best things in small local gift shops – check out the one in your town for unique and unusual finds you may not have initially considered!

If the invitation says “no gifts,” but you’re uncomfortable attending empty-handed, do something thoughtful in lieu of bringing a traditional gift. One idea is to make a donation in the engaged couple’s name to a cause they support – you can let them know via a receipt or notification inside an engagement card.

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