Jen's Reply

Dear Rebecca,

Mothers and daughters have been in conflict about this issue for generations.

First things first. Who is paying for this shindig? If it’s your parents, then they have a natural right to make suggestions or control decisions—to some degree. That doesn’t mean they should take over completely, however; it’s not a do-over of your mother’s wedding dream day.

If the issues are relatively small – your mother thinks you should have a pink and white color scheme and you want purple; your mom thinks it should be a sit-down meal and you want food stations – work hard to compromise and keep the peace. If the issues are larger – you don’t want a religious ceremony but your mother is insisting; you want a small, intimate wedding but your parents want to invite 200 of their friends – then a more serious discussion may be warranted. You may ultimately decide that doing things your way is more valuable than the funds they’ve offered to contribute.

If you and your fiancé are paying for your wedding from the outset, and your mother is still insisting on certain concessions, hear her out. Her concerns may be valid. Of course you have the final say, but a diplomatic approach that makes your parents feel part of the process is never a bad thing.

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