Who’s Invited?
ask jen by Casey | posted on September 20, 2011 at 3:47pm
Dear Jen,
My maid of honor is throwing a shower for me, and she asked my mother and future mother-in-law for a list of potential guests to invite. My fiancé and I are planning a pretty small wedding (we are paying for it ourselves), and my mother-in-law listed many people who will not make the final wedding guest list. I told her I’m uncomfortable inviting people to the shower who won’t be invited to the wedding. A) Who is right and B) How should I handle this?
Casey, Hamburg
Jen's Reply
Dear Casey,
You are right. Guests who will not be invited to the wedding should by no means be invited to other wedding-related events—especially the shower, which is, in its essence, a party that revolves around receiving gifts. A person should not be expected to attend the shower, give you a shower gift then not “make the cut” for the bigger celebration.
How you should handle this? The beauty is, you don’t have to. If your maid of honor is hosting this event, it is up to her who to invite. She was courteous enough to ask for input from everyone involved, but ultimately she makes the final decision about the guest list. You can share your feelings with her. While it may make her unpopular with your mother-in-law, she can rest assured knowing she is doing the proper thing.
This point of etiquette also applies to other pre-parties, such as the engagement party and the rehearsal dinner. The exception may be the bachelor party. A Buffalo tradition for some grooms is the larger, all-inclusive bachelor party, a “ticketed” event at a bar or similar venue. It’s understood that those who attend this type of bachelor party will not necessarily be invited to the wedding.
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